To Our Loved Ones, An Open Letter Regarding our Disengagement.
Dear family, friends, loved ones and especially Leticia “Joy” “Beauty” Ruiz, it is with some trepidation, and some eagerness, that I address everyone with the reason behind our disengagement.
If you are reading this, I owe you an apology.
What I am about to share is not an easy thing for me to do. It comes filled with waves of grief, sadness, pain, heartache, remorse, guilt, shame, and embarrassment. However, I cannot stop from doing what must be done to begin to heal, recover, and repair what’s been lost, and inform you of our situation. Whatever happens from here is the Lord’s, and I accept full responsibility for what you are about to learn.
I have a problem with alcohol. Allowing its influence in my life prevented me
from realizing my true potential in personal and professional relationships, and most importantly my relationship with the woman that I love deeply. It has interfered so much that instead of admitting my use of it, I hid it from the one
person that loved and cared for me more than anyone else in this world except our Lord Jesus Christ. In fact, not only did I not take the initiative to come clean about it out of fear of what she would think, I lied about it. I justified it by telling myself I didn't want her to be concerned about it, or about me because I was "just fine". I knew what she thought about it, we had talked about my issue in the past, and I didn't want to "get in trouble". Afterall, “I‘m a man and I can handle it” and after this I won't drink anymore, and surely I'd put it down "before we actually got married". I lied to Leticia that night, intoxicated, when she asked me directly...
“baby, are you ok? Have you been drinking?”
and I said, “No.” Twice.
My dereliction of duty to my fiancée, my God, and myself had now been laid bare. I abdicated my responsibility to love her, care for her in all ways, to be honest, truthful, fully present, clear headed and available for her. To lie about it carried an even deeper cut than my problem by itself. Leticia, You are not mine, you never were, I was simply entrusted by the Lord to protect you, care for you and your soul, and you accepted that. It was me who let the enemy inside the gates.
I’ve begun to realize the wider impact that this has had because I haven't only lied to Leticia but to friends, family members, church family and more. Who I was outside of my “after sundown beer time” was a bit different from “public Rob”. I was selfish with my time, and that began to increase while my time with God and my fiancée gradually diminished. For reasons I still have to discover, I separated what was happening in the outside world, while sacrificing what was happening to my inside world, and Leticia, the love of my life.
Zero Hour: The moment I traded my fiancée for a diamond ring and a case of beer,
then turned around and traded them for Jesus Christs’ Lordship in my life.
11pm, 10/24/24
To the family of Leticia; Louie, Louie brother, Linda, extended family, I am sorry you all have had to see your precious girl go through this heartache after so much promise, hope and happiness. “Leticia had finally found a good man”. Before asking Leticia to marry me, I talked to you. I received your blessing and your advice. I asked for anything you wanted to say to me. We discussed the importance, special attention, and diligence that would be needed to keep alcohol from interfering in our promise of the future. I promised I would. I violated your trust. I'm sorry for the hurt you must have felt seeing your daughter experience the pain that I inflicted on her. I am truly sorry. I hope and pray that you can forgive me.
To Leticia’s closest friends and “sisters”; Natasha, Cristiana, Nou, Aura, Jessica, Mitra and “the squad”, and to everyone else by extension that loves Leticia so much, I am sorry. Thank you for accepting me as Leticia's boyfriend. You were so excited for us and looked forward to helping us plan our big day. You were all so kind and welcoming to me, and hopeful that I would be able to care for her the way that you girls really know she wanted. I'm sorry I allowed these things to go to waste. You love her. I trust you will continue to support and care for her during this time. I hope and pray that you can forgive me.
And to all her awesome “work peeps”; especially Crystal and Alyson. Thank you for your leadership at work with her, she values you highly. Thank you everyone else for including me in fun times, weddings, birthdays, food and dancing, sports, and social events. Thank you for being so happy for Leticia and me. She loves talking about all of you, and she cares for you deeply. I enjoyed being a part of your community as Leticia's “boyfriend”. I hope and pray you can forgive me.
To my family; Mom, Dad, Stepmom, Meg, TJ, Pete, Rosie and kids, Josh and kids, Georgia, PJ, Aunts and uncles. I'm so sorry I denied you a new Auntie, Sister-in-law, or especially Daughter-in-law. I feel your sadness and disbelief over my choices, and I am terribly sorry. I was so elated to see your excitement for Leticia to be a part of our family, to join in the gatherings we looked forward to. I know you all love her very much and she is so, so worthy of it. Thank you for that. I hope and pray you can forgive me.
To my friends and mentors; especially my brother Pete, Justin, Julian, Claire, John & Caroline, Bryan & Haley, Pastor Chuck, Pastor Tim, Chris, Wags, Pastor Ronnie, Paige and Sonia, Chaco, Chad and Sarah. I am thankful for your friendships, your time and devotion you gave us in encouragement, counsel, and biblical wisdom. I'm sorry that I squandered those investments in us and our relationship. I hope and pray you can forgive me.
To Leticia; I am so, so, sorry for the damage my choices have done to you, for the pain and heartache that I’ve caused you through my dishonesty and betrayel. From day one you have been so faithful, the most gracious and loving person to me that I have ever known. The last 20 months together have been nothing but exceptional, of joy, happiness, silliness, fun, adventure parks, concerts, boat rides, sporting events, coming to my hockey games with Charlie, trips to Minnesota, going to church together, praying together, the daily review over the phone or in person, are all such a blessing coming from you, and every moment leading up to your “Yes.” atop Mt. Helix, eyes full of hope and promise, just filled me to the brim with delight. We started to visualize and plan our future together after a year of 2B1, and 6-weeks of Pre-Marital class. Everyday we prayed together since we met. We went to church together. We got to reading the Bible together.
In spite of this I allowed my use of alcohol to dull my passion, sense of self, purpose and direction, confidence, responsibility, integrity, my utmost care and concern for you, and ultimately to betray, and fail to honor your trust in me. Even worse, my choice to hide it, and lie about it, has laid waste at this time to all that we hoped and dreamed for. This devastates me. I am brought to tears over, and over again. I just imagine it does to you also. I wish I could turn the clock back and take a different path but I know no other answer than to submit myself and my life fully to Christ. I pray you are also seeking the Lord in this time.
It's my fault and I take 100% responsibility for my actions, decisions, and behavior. I am truly so sorry. I hope and pray you can forgive me, and that the Lord restore both of us into the fullness of who He has designed and purposed us to be.
And finally to Lord Jesus, and myself, Rob; I owe you an apology too. Jesus, thank you for your forgiveness and your mercy, you walk with me every minute. I trust also that you care for and walk with Leticia every minute too. I’m sorry that I put you on the sideline God. I’m sorry that I didn’t stop to hear your voice I was ashamed but at the same time prideful to think I needed help. Weird how both of those things could coexist in one mind. I’m sorry that as you poured into me and Leticia through our marriage classes that I didn’t pour back into you Lord.
Rob, I wanted to believe I was in control and that I could turn it off at any second for any reason, that I would drop it before we actually got married, that I thought I was protecting her by not letting her know, but I lied to me, to you, myself. I’m sorry. I hope and pray that you can forgive yourself too. I'm trying. Rob, now go and return a new man.
What’s next?
1. Leticia, you gave the engagement ring back to me, I love and respect you for that.
2. I have made this promise before Myself, God, your Dad, and You, that despite my sadness and deep desire that we’d be hurriedly back together, I know that is not what either of us need. Regardless, I will never stop loving you. I am pursuing the Lord for my recovery, healing, and becoming the man that you thought you had and even more. Whatever happens as the Lord guides, is between you and the Lord and I will honor that. You are not mine, you never were, I was simply entrusted by the Lord to protect you, care for you and your soul, and you accepted that. It was me who let the enemy inside the gates.
3. Healing. We both must do what’s needed to get there. I pray we both grow even closer to the Lord.
4. I stopped drinking that day, zero day, for good.
5. I am getting help with it. I’ve come to terms with my vulnerability and I am taking it on. I will honor the Lord, as will I honor your intervention in order that it’s not just another casualty of my doing. I have already begun in a bible based recovery program. This recovery program takes place every day.
6. I am using a device that interrupts thought patterns. This is to help change how my brain reacts when it comes to my triggers, and am setting up accountability partners and tools to help with that.
7. I am continuing with ‘Rooted’ and reading the Bible everyday. I’ve also begun to journal my experiences throughout each day as new revelations happen in my life.
8. I am implementing a SOP for my daily schedule of activities and paying closer attention to my physical health, diet, nutrition, exercise, as well as accounting for my time, and documenting my finances.
9. I am working my business plan with specific tangible goals and checkpoints to keep me on track so I reach them.
10. I will post updates as they come about.
"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
-C.S. Lewis
Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen
.Jude 1:24-25
Never underestimate the ability of a man filled with pride, to ruin something really beautiful if he's got something to hide.
-Rob Campbell
The Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.
Afterword:
For anyone reading this, if you would like to send me your questions, comments, thoughts, encouragement, discouragement, or whatever you have to share, I would appreciate it. I do care to understand the real impact of my actions.
You can contact me by phone, email or Facebook. I will do my best to respond promptly.
I hope this helps any pain that you're going through. It’s the least I can do. I will take to heart every inquiry without judgment.
I want to thank you in advance for your prayers and support for Leticia first, and for me. It is tremendously valued.
Lastly, if anyone reading this is struggling with drugs or alcohol and you don’t know where to start, call me, I know the feeling.
100% confidential, and I’ll pray with you, share my story, and tell you all about Jesus and Celebrate Recovery, it’s so good.
One final, final last thing...
Leticia, thank you for your fierce love, grace and goodness, and for what you had the courage to do. I’m stronger and better today for it. I pray you are too. You are a blessing. I love you.
Thanks for letting me share.
Rob Campbell
Email: [email protected]
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RetroPatriot/
Wanna talk? Please text first: my number is on my Facebook profile.
My name is Rob, I am a grateful follower of Jesus Christ and, I'm an alcoholic.
With Love and Appreciation, In Christ,
-Rob Campbell
My Day One Token
10/28/2024